Reader Confession – If you were to write a “book-boyfriend personals ad” what would it say?

by Maryse on May 24, 2017 · 34 comments

in Editorial

Tee hee!! Sometimes a girl just knows what she likes.
P.S. Must love “Cookie Monster” pajamas. :)

Tonight’s reader confession comes to us… by bev. Well, actually. No. She STARTED it, and then guessed so many of our “personal ads” and was pretty darn spot on.

And then we all jumped in too. AND I KNOW YOU GUYS wanna write an ad, with us, so let’s get our BOOK-BOYFRIEND PERSONALS STARTED!!! :D

Come to think of it, we don’t have BEV’S personal ad on here. Hmmmm… I think WE need to come up with for HER. ;)

Okay so here’s how it started…

“bev: I keep thinking about if the ladies here made Match.com profiles about what they like in book heroes:

Jean: Looking for a man with a body of steel but a glass heart who likes to play Nurse and patient.

Amy: Must have tattoos but no beard. Looking for a man to fall deeply in love with and who is not afraid to die in the end.

Maryse: Looking for a man who is dark, but not too dark. He must have insomnia but I will cure it if he is willing to sneak in my room at night and sleep beside me. A must: a credible rendition of Satisfaction when I am feeling blue.

Leslie: Looking for an 18 year old who SPARKLES. May apply glitter if needed. Must like the cheerleader and pigtails type.

Ela: My inner Goddess is looking for 20 year old billionaire full of man pain. He must like the color red and spending weekends at home depot.

Jan: LOL bev! Looking for a tall, muscled alpha with long dark hair led back in a queue. Must look good in a puffy shirt, hint of manly chest hair showing. Able to rip bodices open with one hand.

R. Renee: Mine is: Must be tall, really tall, even though I’m 5 ft. Must have intelligent sense of humor. Must have intelligence. No beard, scruff okay. Tats? Whatever. Brown hair preferred over blonde, black hair on exception. Must be thin with light “everyday” muscles. No bulk. Boyish facial features = bonus. Needs manners. Experienced in bed, but has never had sex with anyone else. Amazing cook of zero calorie meals. Rides unicorns, farts diamonds, and bleeds chocolate. And most importantly, LOVES talking about books.

Ela: OH I like this game! And Damn Robin YOU got it all covered, however, I would add that he cooks, cleans, and does laundry! Oh you got “he cooks” covered…. Ok then I would add he loves taking me designer brand shopping and of course is a multi billionaire! I wouldn’t mind THE piercing and some tats but not too much…just classy enough….*snickers* Oh Robin….were you talking about JD in that profile???

R. Renee: LOL I’d say that’s a fairly accurate description, right? Although JD has a beard sometimes and on him, I’ll make an exception.

bev: You ladies are a delight. :) Except R, I’d totally be all “You know those are fart diamonds she wears, right?”

R. Renee: From Josh’s a$$! rolleyes They’re environmentally responsible bev!

Ela: bahahahahahah “she wears fart diamonds” …..what’s that smell? Are those your diamonds??? bev? That sounds too complicated and wordy… just sayin’

Maryse: HOLY MOLY BEV!!! It’s like you KNOW me! HOWEVER!!!! I want to include must be a TRUE bad-ass that can defeat anyone, but still have a heart like Travis that will break and OVERFLOW with LOVE, and devotion to the point of trainwreckerage. P.S. And you may have insomnia and snuggle me all you want while I sleep, but be forwarned: if it’s after midnight, you MUST let me SLEEP.*snort* No. Seriously. :)

Leslie M: I have spit out my coffee multiple times this a.m. due to all the craziness!!! (Amy’s “not afraid to die in the end” was THE BEST) Let’s see….my perfect H would be a sexy, smirking, dimpled, classic car-driving, rockstar with tortured past that is so in love with me, he steals me from his best friend. He also loves coffee & cuddling. How do you like that, Bev? ;)

Or…

A broody, gentlemanly, sparkly, volvo-driving, virgin immortal.

Tessa: OOOH this sounds like a fun game. Looking for a man with extremely broad shoulders and muscular arms. Must like music, have a high IQ, love traveling and adventures, be protective, and have a**hole tendencies. Dark haired preferred. Sexy lips a must! Lol What’s with the virgins? I want a manwhore who knows what he’s doing. :P

bev: LOL. I’m loving the images. I will now expect Jan’s husband to have flowing hair and wear puffy shirts and always stand with his chest out.

Ela:  Ela in search of the perfect male specimen: Must be fully male! No transgenders need apply, sorry just my preference I like the REAL c*ck. Speaking of c*ck, preferably between 6-8 inches with at least a 2 inch circumference and man-scaped. If you’re close I will accept inspections IF all other requirements are met. Must be taller than 5′ 9″. Broad, finely muscled not too bulky, dark haired not too long and not to short (stylish), some chest hair acceptable, NO beard goatee ok, hairless back other hair ok. Must be smart, know how to cook, and do laundry accurately. Must love me unconditionally but not give in to my every whim (I don’t want a whipped pus*y). Must be self sustained, make a good living and willing to spoil me or let me spoil myself. Would love light eyes like blue or green but I’ll make this an exception. I wouldn’t mine THAT piercing, tattoos welcome but not too many. LMAO *May apply glitter* Oh and I forgot to add he must clean.

bev: Ela, you are right. That is much more succinct and uncomplicated. Lol. ;)

Ela: See I knew you’d agree bev! I think I may have described Christian Grey???

bev: Ela: My inner Goddess is looking for 20 year old billionaire full of man pain. He must like the color red and spending weekends at home depot.

Ela: Hmmmmm…buying rope and plastic ties??? Lover’s lane probably has the more comfy cuffs and sh*t…

Leslie M: Thank goodness I finished my 3rd and final cup of coffee. Bev, ROFL. Tessa, I picked one of each. A man-whore (Kellan) and a virgin (Edward). OH MY GOD!!! *smacks self on forehead* I can’t believe I forgot about the world’s sexiest virgin EVER!!! James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser aka Jamie from Outlander. DUH!!!!

Grey: *dies* omg… Y’all are too much. I’m trying to decide if I want you to write mine… Or if I should write my own…

Amy: Oh wow bev…you just described my hubby!! But you left out the muscles part. ;)What’s with the virgins? I want a manwhore who knows what he’s doing.” <—- LOL!!!!!! OMG you ladies are HILARIOUS! I’m loving all of your “standards.” :D

Jean: OMG, you guys are nuts!! Of course, bev got that whole thing rolling! I can’t stop laughing!! bev, you pretty much had mine right. Must be broken and need saving! Tessa, I like big and bulky!! LOL!

MichelleS: Michelle: looking for a brooding type, smart, alpha, dirty talker, dark hair, grey eyes, and if you sprout wings when you’re turned on, then you’re my man!! 

Maryse: in search of a bad boy, a bit broken, scars ok, just let me fix you!

Maryse: MichelleS: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

Maryse: P.S. YES!! Add big and bulky to mine. We all know Travis was. :)

bev: Lol. Maryse: Looking for the jealous type who is strong enough to punch out other men and then carry me off over his shoulder. Must like Pigeons.

Maryse: LOL!!!!!!! YESSSSS. YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSSS!!! EXACTLY!! How do you guys KNOW me this well???????? :P

Tessa: Oh good. We have variety. Some like lean and some like bulky. That makes more sense.  Michelle, you forgot to add magic ability a plus!

Jan: You guys are nuts. Why do I drink my morning coffee while I’m catching up on last night’s blog? I should know better. *wipes away droplets of coffee snorted out numerous times onto keyboard*

Okay now YOU guys… jump in!!!! :D !!!

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Ela May 24, 2017 at 8:20 PM

Bev’: Sherlock is my man, now go watch the show to see what I need in my man!

bev May 24, 2017 at 9:29 PM

Direct and succinct. I like it.

Ela May 24, 2017 at 9:50 PM

I was going to mention Simon but figured he’s too young and bats for the other team…

Maryse May 24, 2017 at 10:11 PM

Definitely Sherlock!!!!

Now to figure out Sherlock. ;)

Ela May 25, 2017 at 8:04 AM
Jean May 25, 2017 at 10:34 AM

I love this! Maryse, this may be my favorite post to date! Lol!

Maryse May 25, 2017 at 11:16 AM

It’s hilarious!!!!! bev and her strokes of conversation genius!!! :P

Teri May 25, 2017 at 11:22 AM

You ladies ROCK! This is cracking me up this morning -thank you for that!!

Is seeking out cabana boy by day, rocker by night. Must have flair for making a mean cocktail and a great cup of coffee. Breakfast in bed… why yes, thank you! Bedroom eyes a must, secretly disguised to all but me. Hmmm… Weekend warrior must race cars & ride bad@ss bikes but no 1%er’s. Oh and lastly… must make me feel feather light when being scooped up and wrapped around a well chiseled body… :-) ))

Jean May 25, 2017 at 1:38 PM

Haha Teri! That sounds perfect!

Melanie May 25, 2017 at 4:04 PM

Mmmmm and can he look at me the way I look at chocolate?

MichelleS May 25, 2017 at 4:32 PM

I forgot the kilt!!! If you’re wearing a kilt & all that other stuff, then I’d probably pass out, but you are the perfect man!!

Virgins need not apply. Jamie was the exception. I want an experienced man, like Rhage, Ryder, etc.

Jan May 25, 2017 at 5:56 PM

Oh yeah. A kilt with a puffy shirt. Now there’s a look.

bev May 25, 2017 at 6:28 PM

Lol, Ela. In my book heroes I.can do complicated.

MichelleS May 25, 2017 at 6:41 PM

I don’t want to call you “daddy” & I do t want to be tied up. I want to call you “my lord” or “my laird” (depends where we live), and if you drive a motorcycle & I can ride behind you, I’m good with that!

MichelleS May 25, 2017 at 6:43 PM

Oh!!! And I LOVE it if you give me a good nickname! Like kitten. I might call you bratwurst, though! This is just too much fun. I must stop.

Maryse May 25, 2017 at 6:53 PM

LOL MichelleS!!!!!

It’s like we’re making an order… ;)

bev May 25, 2017 at 7:52 PM

MichelleS: Looking for an athletic taciturn man. Looking for the December to my May that likes it when I pull my big girl socks on.

Cheryl May 25, 2017 at 8:53 PM

This is the most amusing, fun post yet!!!
Looking for the rockstar, actor, athlete, reformed man-whore, that is well-built and well-hung, that may be a little alpha but makes me feel I am beautiful, in great shape and the ONLY love of his life. No beard or man-bun, tattoos acceptable and must be intelligent and have a career.

Jan May 26, 2017 at 1:13 AM

Yes Cheryl, no man-buns! I’m kinda on the fence about beards, but they have to be neat if there is one. Long hair held back in a ponytail is fine, then you can undo it later and all that beautiful hair falls forward when you lean down over me. Oh yeah…………….

R. Renee May 26, 2017 at 1:15 AM

Jan!!!!!!!!

I think I may be the only person who loves man buns.

Jan May 26, 2017 at 1:36 AM

Eek! You can have them, R!

MichelleS May 26, 2017 at 8:05 AM

What Jan said about the hair…. ditto…

MichelleS May 26, 2017 at 8:07 AM

We should do a thread about best nicknames! I loved Fucky (EoL) oh yes I did! And Bratwurst (Kulti).

Ela May 26, 2017 at 8:33 AM
Ela May 26, 2017 at 8:36 AM

Oh and must have the voice of Vin Diesel or better yet I’ll just take Vin

bev May 26, 2017 at 8:43 AM

I love that Cheryl at the end has her priorities straight.
Lol.

bev May 26, 2017 at 8:45 AM

So…..do we think Jan’s husband has a ponytail?

bev May 26, 2017 at 8:54 AM

Fabi: Looking for two men looking for a woman. Must be no younger than 21 or older than 31. Must be willing to change their first names if they do not meet with my approval. AIs acceptable. Must love Rockets.

Gah. Ok, that ones weak. Someone write Fabi’s.

Ela May 26, 2017 at 9:09 AM

Fabi: looking for 2 hot studs with lots of stamina who are not afraid of the apocalypse and don’t mind getting it on with each other while I watch…ages between 25-35.

That’s all I got bev….

R. Renee May 26, 2017 at 9:17 AM

Adding on for Fabi: Must a REAL man, not some woman written as a man. Alpha preferred. Alpha in a wolf pack = bonus.

Teri May 26, 2017 at 11:10 AM

Oh Melanie, yes, must look at me like I look at chocolate – heck yes!!

MAN-BUN… Waaayyyy back when, when the only men that wore man buns were South American soccer players I thought it was hot (hello latin luvahhh!). When Beckham had a man-bun I dreamed of pulling it!! Shoot forward to todays hipsters and wanna be man-buner’s – GAH! I’ll pass. Nice kept beards, gottee’s, flavor-saver’s, long, pullable hair – yes please :-) . I won’t even get started on the Kilt, my fav EEK Squeeee!

Jan May 26, 2017 at 5:57 PM

LOL bev. No ponytail (I’ve tried to talk him into it though), but he does have a neat little beard.

Love those men in kilts, Ela. MiKs for short? They do look pretty even without their puffy shirts. Or maybe even better without the shirts ;)

I like the fav nicknames thread idea Michelle. But am I lame that I can’t remember any? I’d even forgotten the one from Kulti and that’s one of my fav books! Although I’m just starting American Hellhound today and I have to say. ‘Ghost’ is a lot better than ‘Kenny’ (his real name lol).

Leslie M May 27, 2017 at 9:06 AM

Fave nicknames? I recently read and loved: Real Good Man by Meghan March and h’s name is Banner. H calls her Bruce. Her parents are nerds and named her after Bruce Banner. It was super swoony hearing it on audio with sexy narration by Sebastian York.

Fabi May 28, 2017 at 6:17 PM

bev, Ela and R, I have to quote Maryse: “How do y’all know me so well?!”

You know I’m going to use those for my Craigslist ad right? ;-)

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